Kavod hamet

What a traditional Jewish funeral involves

Every part of it comes from one idea: that a body which held a life is owed dignity, and that the dignity owed does not depend on what the person believed, what they did, or what they could pay. Everything below follows from that, including the parts that look like restrictions.

The parts

Shmirah — never left alone

From death until burial a Shomer sits with the person and reads Psalms. Not a formality: the whole night, every night, until it is done.

Taharah — washing and dressing

The body is washed, purified with an unbroken flow of water, and dressed in tachrichim. Done by volunteers of the same sex, in near silence, who never say whom they attended. This is the essence of the whole thing and it is done for every Jew.

Tachrichim — the same clothes for everybody

Plain white linen, hand-sewn, no pockets. A billionaire and a person who died with nothing are buried identically. Nothing is carried out of the world.

The aron — plain wood

Wood, wooden pegs, no metal, so that it returns to the earth. In many cemeteries a liner is required; where it is not, it is left out.

Kriah — the tear

Immediate mourners tear a garment, or a ribbon on it, before the funeral. Grief given something physical to do.

Burial in the earth, without delay

In a Jewish cemetery, in the ground, as soon as it can properly be arranged. Those present fill the grave themselves — this is the last kindness that can be done, and it is done by hand.

What is deliberately not done

Not out of squeamishness. Each of these was decided against for a reason, and each of them also happens to be something the funeral industry charges for.

No embalming. Invasive, unnecessary, and not required by law here.
No cosmetic preparation and no viewing. A person is remembered as they lived.
No elaborate casket. Nothing that will not return to the earth.
No flowers on the grave. Money that would have gone on them goes to Tzedakah in the person’s name instead, which lasts longer.
No cremation. The tradition is unambiguous about this, and we have written about it honestly — including for families where the decision has already been made or was asked for in a will. Call before you assume it is too late.

What to say at the funeral home

Read this out if it helps: “This is a traditional Jewish burial. No embalming, no cosmetic preparation, no viewing. A plain wooden casket. The chevra kadisha will perform the Taharah and will provide a Shomer. Please speak to them directly.”

Then give them 408-910-2034. That is the whole conversation, and you do not have to have it alone.

Questions people ask

What is Taharah?

The ritual washing and dressing of the body before burial. The person is washed, water is poured over them in an unbroken flow, and they are dressed in tachrichim — plain white linen shrouds. Verses from Song of Songs and Ezekiel are said. It is done by people of the same sex as the deceased, who work in near silence and never say afterwards whom they attended.

What are tachrichim?

Simple white linen or muslin garments, hand-sewn, with no pockets and no knots. They are identical for everybody — the wealthiest and the poorest person in the Bay Area are buried in exactly the same clothes. That is the entire point of them.

Why a plain wooden casket?

An aron is made of wood, with wooden pegs rather than metal, so that it returns to the earth along with the person in it. "Dust you are, and to dust you shall return" is not a metaphor about the arrangements. A plain pine aron is also, not coincidentally, the cheapest thing in the funeral home.

Why is there no viewing and no open casket?

Two reasons that reinforce each other. A person should be remembered as they lived rather than as they ended; and the dead cannot consent to being looked at, so we do not look. It is one of the clearest examples of what kavod hamet — the dignity of the dead — means in practice.

Why no embalming?

Embalming is invasive and works against a burial that returns the body to the earth intact and unaltered. It is not required by California law in ordinary circumstances, whatever a funeral home may imply, and it is not done.

What is shmirah?

From the moment of death until the burial, a Shomer sits with the body and reads Psalms, so that the person is never left alone at any point. Through the night, and for as many nights as there are.

Why does burial happen so quickly?

Because the Torah requires burial without delay, and Jewish law treats it as a debt owed to the person who has died. Delay is permitted where it serves their honor — waiting for immediate family to arrive, obtaining a proper grave, or because Shabbat or a festival falls in between — but not for convenience.

Is any of this only for observant families?

No. Taharah is done for every Jewish person regardless of how they lived, what they believed, or whether they were ever in a synagogue. It is not a reward for observance. It is what one Jew owes another.

A death has occurredThe first hours, in order.MortuariesWho we work with, how fast, and roughly what each charges.Cemeteries & plotsTen Bay Area Jewish cemeteries, with prices and phone numbers.Plan aheadSo that none of this has to be decided by somebody who is grieving.

Call the office Plan ahead What to do now

The parts

Shmirah — never left alone

From death until burial a Shomer sits with the person and reads Psalms. Not a formality: the whole night, every night, until it is done.

Taharah — washing and dressing

Tachrichim — the same clothes for everybody

Plain white linen, hand-sewn, no pockets. A billionaire and a person who died with nothing are buried identically. Nothing is carried out of the world.

The aron — plain wood

Wood, wooden pegs, no metal, so that it returns to the earth. In many cemeteries a liner is required; where it is not, it is left out.

Kriah — the tear

Immediate mourners tear a garment, or a ribbon on it, before the funeral. Grief given something physical to do.

Burial in the earth, without delay

In a Jewish cemetery, in the ground, as soon as it can properly be arranged. Those present fill the grave themselves — this is the last kindness that can be done, and it is done by hand.

What is deliberately not done

Not out of squeamishness. Each of these was decided against for a reason, and each of them also happens to be something the funeral industry charges for.

No embalming. Invasive, unnecessary, and not required by law here.

No cosmetic preparation and no viewing. A person is remembered as they lived.

No elaborate casket. Nothing that will not return to the earth.

No flowers on the grave. Money that would have gone on them goes to Tzedakah in the person’s name instead, which lasts longer.

No cremation. The tradition is unambiguous about this, and we have written about it honestly — including for families where the decision has already been made or was asked for in a will. Call before you assume it is too late.

What to say at the funeral home

Then give them 408-910-2034. That is the whole conversation, and you do not have to have it alone.

Questions people ask

What is Taharah?

What are tachrichim?

Why a plain wooden casket?

Why is there no viewing and no open casket?

Why no embalming?

What is shmirah?

From the moment of death until the burial, a Shomer sits with the body and reads Psalms, so that the person is never left alone at any point. Through the night, and for as many nights as there are.

Why does burial happen so quickly?

Is any of this only for observant families?