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What the work is

Taharah

Four or five people, an hour or two, working in near silence but for the verses that are said. The person is washed, purified with an unbroken flow of water, and dressed in plain white shrouds. The body is kept covered throughout. At the end, forgiveness is asked of them for any indignity caused in handling them. Men attend men and women attend women, always.

Shmirah

Sitting with the person between death and burial, reading Psalms, so that they are never left alone. Taken in shifts, often through the night, sometimes as little as two hours. It is the easiest way into this and it matters just as much.

Everything around it

Driving. Sewing and preparing tachrichim. Setting up a Shiva house. Making up the tenth for a Minyan so that a mourner can say Kaddish. Meals. If the room itself is not for you, all of this is needed and all of it is the same Mitzvah.

What is asked of you

That you are Jewish, and willing to be taught. Nothing else about your background matters and you will not be asked about it.

Absolute discretion, permanently. You will sometimes know who died before the community does, and you may recognize the person. You never say that you attended anyone, to anyone. This is the one non-negotiable.

Availability at inconvenient hours. A Jewish burial does not wait, so a Taharah happens when it happens — occasionally at six in the morning, occasionally at ten at night. You are never obliged to take a particular call, but somebody has to be able to.

Steadiness rather than piety. The people who are good at this are not necessarily the most learned. They are the ones who are calm, careful, and do not need to talk.

What you are not asked for

Money, a level of observance, membership of anything, a commitment to a number of calls a year, or an explanation of why you want to do it. And no experience: nobody has any the first time, and for your first few you are learning rather than leading.

Say yes

Call 408-910-2034, write to info@jmemorial.org, or use the form below. Somebody will talk it through with you honestly, and nothing is decided in that conversation. The women’s team is almost always the one short of people.

What happens after you say yes

Somebody talks it through with you honestly. Nothing is decided in that conversation.

You say which team you would join, men’s or women’s. That decides who can call you.

You are taught. For your first few you are the extra pair of hands, watching and learning the order of it.

You are never obliged to say yes to a particular call, and you can start with shmirah, which can be as little as two hours.

Questions people ask before saying yes

Do I need to be religious?

You need to be Jewish, and you need to be able to treat what happens in that room as private for the rest of your life. Beyond that, the teams here include people across the whole range of observance. Nobody is examined.

Do I need any experience?

None. Nobody arrives with experience. You are taught, and for your first few you are the extra pair of hands rather than the person leading — you watch, you help, you learn the order of it.

Men and women both?

Both, on separate teams. A man is attended to by men and a woman by women, without exception. The women’s team is almost always the one short of people.

How often would I be called?

It depends entirely on the size of the team. With enough volunteers it is a handful of times a year; with too few it is much more often, which is exactly why we are asking. You are never obliged to say yes to a particular call.

How long does a Taharah take?

Usually somewhere between an hour and two, and it is often at an awkward hour, because a Jewish burial does not wait. Shmirah — sitting with the person and reading Psalms — is scheduled in shifts and can be as little as two hours.

Is it upsetting?

It is serious, and the first time is a great deal to take in. Almost nobody describes it as upsetting afterwards. What people describe is quiet, and being surprised by how much it stayed with them. Very few people do one and never come back.

What if I try it and it is not for me?

Then it is not for you, and that is a completely fine answer that nobody will think less of you for. Sitting shmirah is a gentler way in if you would rather start there.